micah holmquist's irregular thoughts and links |
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Welcome to the musings and notes of a Cadillac, Michigan based writer named Micah Holmquist, who is bothered by his own sarcasm. Please send him email at micahth@chartermi.net. Holmquist's full archives are listed here.
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Sites Holmquist trys, and often fails, to go no more than a couple of days without visiting (some of which Holmquist regularly swipes links from without attribution) Aljazeera.Net English Blogs that for one reason or another Holmquist would like to read on at least something of a regular basis (always in development) Thivai Abhor |
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
The AC and God need to work this kind of thing out The Capitol and the White House were evacuated today as a result of the actions of the Antichrist who mistakenly had been under the impression that the rapture would happen by 10:00 a.m. eastern standard time. I know this because while everyone else was leaving like fearful weaklings who never wrestled a mixed martial art match in their lives, I stayed in my office to get the truth. "Why the devil are you still here?" yelled some Matrixesque thug straight out of Six: The Mark Unleashed. "Um… Uh… I’m trying to get the truth out," I said with supreme confidence. "Do you have the mark?" he replied. "No… um… what ‘mark’ are you talking about?" "Didn’t the message get out?" he asked one of his underlings. The underling made a phone call. In the meantime I explained that while I didn’t have the mark that I had to be in good standing because I had been looking on the web for young boy from Jersey to have as a slave. As I was telling my story, the underling interrupted to say that there had been a problem. The rapture had not happened and the planned takeover had to be postponed. A tear could be visibly seen in his eye. They rushed out of the room and shortly thereafter people started returning to the buildings. As it turned out, they were unaware that President George W. Bush had not died Tuesday at the hands of a grenade. Obviously President Bush’s survival changed everything. It is really a shame that such confusion occurred. It may cause some people to change their opinions. Nonetheless I felt quite lucky to have gotten out alive because I had really been working on a story about how I didn’t think the Army’s new influencing the influencers recruitment effort was going to work. I mean my son is 14, I’d love to see him become a man by beating up Iraqis in the expanding Iraqi prison market and the little shit won’t even talk to me since I first beat the hell out of him for not trying out for football 10 years ago. He just sits in his room, his cold dark room where I won’t allow him to even have a bed since he disappointed his family by not trying to be a gridiron hero. I don’t believe that I owe him a second chance and the Good Lord knows that he certainly doesn’t deserve one but you know what I told him? "Son there are two types of wars. One is football and the other is war. You failed all of us with regard to the former but in the latter you still have a chance to be the next Pat Tillman. If you did that I would stop hating you and if you were dead, I wouldn’t even be able to beat you up anymore. I only do it so you have pent up anger and rage that you will be forced to let out on the enemies of this great land." Still he didn’t respond and he has yet to join. These young kids today just don’t have what it takes to defend freedom and I blame them and the liberals. |