Sites Holmquist trys, and often fails, to go no more than a couple of days without visiting (some of which Holmquist regularly swipes links from without attribution)
Mr. President begs me to stop spotlighting his appeasing ways
My old buddy from the small hard working rugged towns of Texas, President George W. Bush, called me up recently to talk about "Stop appeasing Syria, Mr. President." The following is a transcript of our conversation:
Prez: Hello, is Micah there?
Me: Yes, this him.
Prez: This is the president, Big Guy.
Me: Please don’t call "Big Guy." I’ve told you this before, but I have poor body image and I don’t need you reinforcing it.
Prez: OK… say I read “Stop appeasing Syria, Mr. President" and I’m glad to see you picked up my love of [Michael] Hardt and [Antonio] Negri.
Me: That’s… um, interesting. Do you ever get confused?
Prez: What!?!
Me: I mean, do you ever get confused reading them?
Prez: Sometimes, but you know it is my job to read this shit and report back to [Richard] Cheney.
Me: Interesting…
Prez: Say you aren’t going to keep criticizing me for appeasement are you?
Me: Yes I am.
Prez: Why?
Me: Because you are an evil appeaser Mr. President! What happened to you? Why would we liberate Iraqis only to let Syrians have a say in the world? Freedom isn’t free! And I do not appreciate you making a mockery of it, using it as bathroom tissue and so forth.
Me: Mr. President, I’ve always believed you were a Godly man Mr. President, so I believe you do know the Bible verse that says, “America rules the Goddamn planet.” Right, Mr. President. May I, no I do suggest that you spend no less than 100 minutes thinking about it.
Then I hung up.
In retrospect, I should have made it clear to President Bush that most Biblical scholars agree that America means the United States of America in that passage, and not Peru as some so-called Biblical scholars claimed in the infamous 1987 Declaration from Peru. Also, you get that quote is a Bible code. posted by micah holmquist at 3/12/2005 02:41:00 PM
