micah holmquist's irregular thoughts and links
Welcome to the musings and notes of a Cadillac, Michigan based writer named Micah Holmquist, who is bothered by his own sarcasm.
Please send him email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Holmquist's full archives are listed here.
Sites Holmquist trys, and often fails, to go no more than a couple of days without visiting (some of which Holmquist regularly swipes links from without attribution)
Blogs that for one reason or another Holmquist would like to read on at least something of a regular basis (always in development)
Friday, November 14, 2003
November 14 vision
I believe it was Moses who first declared November 15 the start of the firearm deer season in Michigan. This was considered nothing short of heresy as everyone knew that firearm hunting was supposed to start three days after the second Sabbath of each and every month, although as the years passed by, and certain economic changes occurred, they got over it and now you would hardly know that there was ever a controversy about the day William Whitetail finds out what it’s like to be an Iraqi (more). Fighting back with antlers against rifles is about as effective as using simple bombs and guns against the U.S. military.
For some infuriating moral relativism, check out this Sunday’s Deer Digest. Last year’s November 16 edition had this as the lead editorial:
Yesterday, as always happened since the early days according to one legend, many of our fellow deer were slaughtered. The hunters and the government that endorses this ritual killing say they do it to stem overpopulation and that is an ostensibly noble goal. But if that really were their concern they wouldn’t provide feed piles for us to gorge on in the hope that we will be as fat and slow as them during the hunt. And, if overpopulation really did motivate them, why wouldn’t they be worried about their hunting have just the opposite effect. The choice between hunting and overpopulation is as clear of a false choice that it might as well be straight out of a Slavoj Zizek essay.What I would like to see if for the DNR to make a last second announcement that further hunting has been cancelled this year. They should make the announced on November 14 at about 5:45 p.m. so it can be on the six o’clock news. Within five minutes of the announcement every road in the state, sans those located in Ann Arbor, East Lansing and Detroit, would be filled with Angry White Men dressed in orange pseudo-camouflage clothing who have a rifle in one hand and a can of Stroh’s they bought in bulk in 1982 in the other. They’d walk around with a confused look on their faces for a good two or three minutes while they muttered, “what the fuck are we doing now?”
That would turn into various fights in due time and before you know it the whole state would be one big shoot out. Once the hunters had died out and the swill had been safely cleared, the deer would come out and perform a Russian ballet.
All the humans who had dared to venture out would have open jaws at this point even though the fun would only be starting. Once the formal ballet was over, it’d be time to go to movies as the deer have always to see Dead Blake (Bambi, 1996) on a big screen in a human theater. By the time that was done, a tent would be erected outside and the All Forest Klezmer Group would provide the soundtrack to deer debauchery.