micah holmquist's irregular thoughts and links
Welcome to the musings and notes of a Cadillac, Michigan based writer named Micah Holmquist, who is bothered by his own sarcasm.
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Friday, October 11, 2002
[satirical] remarks from an American who recently visited Canada
It has been said many times, by many different people, in many different places and in many different ways that travel broadens one’s perspective and, after a recent visit to Canada, I have to agree. Canada, I found out, is a country literally teeming with people that President George W. Bush is not the President of.
Sure parts of the country have many beautiful pudding stones but I didn’t see any of the substance that Pardoner and Ben Rumson spent their screen lives in search of. And whereas in 1992 a young PEZ container collector named Micah Holmquist found great containers with likenesses not sold in the America like Droopy Dog and Uncle Scrooge, now the same collector found the same PEZs being sold in Canada that he could buy in the U.S. of A. Sure the Canadians can get PEZ flavored popcorn but that is a product almost as bad as it sounds.
And don’t think I was in some anti-American backwater either. No I spent most of my time on St. Joseph Island, a beautiful place where they speak American, can watch All in the Family and Monday Night Football and can even see America from their shores and yet the people there seemed like they wanted to live in Canada, a country that has neither invaded Haiti, Grenada, Somalia, Cuba and Puerto Rico nor bombed Germany, Japan, Vietnam, Libya, Iraq, Sudan, Afghanistan, Serbia and hopefully a few other countries.
To tell you how strange and twisted this country is, it should be noted that while their media is only slightly less interested in our the affairs of the America than the FOX News Channel and refers to a “War on Terror” without saying that it belongs to us and not them, that on Monday they did not broadcast President Bush’s call to war. There is no excuse for this and quite frankly I think it is time for us to remember the immortal question of Mark Russell, “Do we really trust Canada all that much?”
The answer should be no because it is a country full of people unprepared to defend Freedom. They are unprepared to defend Freedom because they are in fact not free. Sure they can start their own business, say almost anything they want and perhaps soon smoke the cigarettes of hippies and Rastafarians, but they are not free. How else can you explain the fact that their House of Representatives and Senate have not given their President the authority to attack another country without anything more than a weak implication that the country intends harm on Canada?